Thursday, November 24, 2011


The parachute incident
Simon is part of the parachute club. Every month, he would go to a parachuting practice with the people in his club. This weekend, they are dropping three thousand feet from their plane. Some tend to float away a little from where they are suppose to land, maybe a couple kilometers away from the agreed landing spot, so the captain told everyone to bring cell phones so everyone can contact each other after they land, and also some money to take a cab to their meeting place. Like always, Simon floated a couple miles from the agreed landing spot (he’s not the best parachuter), and he was unsure where to land after about ten minutes of floating because all around him was forestry. Finally he saw a farm house and he thought it would be a good place to land since of course, there would be open space at a farm. He started to descend. Simon doesn’t know how to control where he lands, and just his luck, he lands on a chicken. Simon’s parachute was half stuck on a tree but his body hit the ground and stepped on the chicken and seriously injured it. The farmer came out of the house thinking that Simon is a cat burglar and starts to call the police. After some explanations, Simon finally convince him that he meant no harm, but the farmer still refused to detach Simon’s parachute from the tree until he paid for the chicken.

Confession complain confusion
Maria had a huge crush on this guy in her class, and all she thought and talked about was him. Unfortunately for me, I was the one who had to listen to her. He was Maria’s whole life. Finally one day, I could not stand listening about him for one more minute, I persuaded Maria to write a letter to him. Or more specifically, a love letter confessing her love for him. It was a great idea because if he didn’t feel the same way, she wouldn’t have to go through the awkwardness of standing in front of him waiting for him to respond after she confessed her dying love. It was genius, of course. Maria gathered up her courage and composed a beautiful love letter (in fancy scented paper) ready to mail to her crush. She went to the mailbox after school, and it was really stupid, but the transit decided to put their city transit complain box right next to the mailbox. Guess which one Maria put her letter in? The city transit complain box.

Pee in a bag
I was walking down the street and this lady stopped me to introduce a product their company had recently started advertising. The product was called Pee in a Bag. I’m serious, that’s what it was called. When you are travelling long distance, and you can’t find a bathroom, that’s when you use the pee in a bag. You pee in the bag because there’s nowhere else to pee. The product is for people of all gender, and people of all ages. There’s even a solidification device in the bag to freeze your pee so you can put in your purse/backpack and throw it out later in case you can’t find a garbage can at that moment. (So you put your frozen pee in your purse/backpack with your bag of chips/homework?) I was confused because there were so many things wrong with this product. First of all, if you’re travelling, let’s say on a bus, where do you turn to use your pee in a bag? The lady told me that you could just turn around. Where the heck do you turn? There are people all around you. She said for me to turn towards the window. No one sits there. I was like, “what if you don’t sit by the window?” And she said, “Just ask the person who sits by the window if you could trade seats for a few minutes.” So you go up to a random stranger on the bus who sits by the window and say, “excuse me, would you mind trading seats for a few minutes? I need to pee in my bag.” Also, if someone happens to be walking down the isle on the bus, they would be like WTF?? Or worse, some innocent person walking by on the street and they happen to see in the window, on the bus, some retard is peeing in a bag. The lady told me that each bag costs fifteen dollars, and ask if I was interested to buy a box. (A bottle of water of water costs a dollar and fifty cents and I’m buying a fifteen dollar bag to pee after drinking? Seriously, the things people sell these days.)

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