Team Spirit!

No. We don’t have any. It’s not a secret how much the Senior Girls team suck. Here are some of the comments from the team member’s parents.

Elise’s dad: I will chop my head off if you guys win one game.

My dad: Your team sucks! (Before we even played a single game.)

Me: What? Why?

Dad: Because people like you are on it.

Me: .........

The boy’s team was dissing us like our parents, but it’s funny how things turned out. They lost 30 points on their first game. 30 freaking points! Yes, we had a good laugh over that one.

We lost too, obviously, but slightly more graceful than them.

Pete had the nerve to diss our team after they got creamed, and I tried, unsuccessfully, to defend us. It went somewhat like this.

Me: What are you talking about? The boy’s team sucks so much! Did you not see how much you’ve lost?

Pete: Like you guys didn’t lost by 30 freaking points!

Me: 28, actually. So we did better than you guys. One of the people on your team keeps dribbling on his foot!

Pete: Yeah well, at least we know where the basket is!

Me: ........Excuse me?

Pete: Yeah, I saw your team play. People were like, shooting for the wall.

And he was impolite enough to go on naming names. I have to admit, what he said was not untrue, but it was terribly offensive.

Not a single person is supportive of the team! Not the parents, not Joey (who pretty much just said the same thing as my dad), no one on the boy’s team, and not even the coaches.

Coach: Are you excited for the game?

Me: Yeah! Do you think we’re going to win?

Coach: ummmmmmm......

Me: Don’t you have faith in us?

Coach: ummmmmmm........

Maybe one day, we’ll play against a team of midgets and we’ll win by two points. Hey, I don’t wish for the impossible, two points is more than good enough.

Love square

A wise man (possibly a woman) once said, “The greatest distance in the world is not across the Pacific Ocean, nor is it the distance between life and death, it is when I am standing right in front of you, but you know not of my love for you.”

Ok, I don’t love him. It’s not that serious. It’s more of a crush, a mini crush, since I don’t really know him. In fact, I didn’t really even pay much attention to him last year, when I first transferred to the school. He’s in my English class this year, and I noticed him more. I thought he, Mike, was really cute, that’s about it.

One day, Mike and I were talking. I think it’s the first time that we were talking. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but he asked me if I was here (in the school) last year. I was kind of surprised. It’s not a big school, in fact, it’s a tiny school compared to other schools and I’ve been there for a year, how could he have not known? I told him I was, and I knew his name last year even though we’ve never talked.

He then said, “Oh, I’m sorry. You didn’t exist in my life.” Wow, thanks a lot.

But I was determined not to give up. I tried to talk to him any chance I’ve got, which unfortunately, is never.

I was heartbroken when I heard that he likes this girl, not just simply like, he really liked her. He’s liked her for two years. This girl happened to be a fan girl of Joey’s. I guess that’s probably the reason Mike never asked her out.

I was at my locker, talking to Joey, when Brenna, his fan girl walked up and started blabbing to him. Mike, seeing Brenna, walked up and tried to get her attention. So I was like, “Mike, blah, blah, blah.....”trying to get his attention, and Mike was like, “Brenna, blah, blah, blah.....”trying to get her attention, and of course, Brenna is all like, “Joey, blah, blah, blah....” trying to get his attention, and Joey is just standing there, drinking from his water bottle. It’s like a love square; no one can have the person they want. I like Mike, Mike is in love with Brenna, and Brenna is crushing hard on Joey. And Joey is hopelessly in love with himself.

I’m trying to talk to Mike, Mike is trying to talk to Brenna, Brenna is trying to talk to Joey, and Joey is just there, drinking water. Brenna is totally oblivious to Mike’s attempt to talk to her, and Mike is glancing at me every few minutes, giving me a look that says, why the hell are you talking to me when I’m trying to talk to Brenna? Joey is separate from the world, lost in his own little island of self affection.

Mike finally got the courage to ask Brenna out, and she agreed. Now Mike and Brenna have each other, Joey has himself, and I’m all alone on my own little desert island with no one, picking up the scatter pieces of my broken heart.

I hate love squares.

The English class stereotype

I hardly think it’s fair when someone stands up in front of the class everyday and talks about justice and equality when they are the most discriminating person themselves. What does that make them? A hypocrite.

This complimenting thing has gotten bigger and bigger. Today, the vice principal came into our class and gave a huge speech about how she is absolutely fed up with the boys in the English class making inappropriate comments (compliments) to girls. “This is sexual harassment, and it is a criminal offense,” quoting the vice principal.

She told us she was disgusted with us even though no one had done anything wrong. Now, that is discrimination. She is singling this class out because it’s the English class.

The social teacher was the initial person who filed the complaint, and he is the one to talk about justice everyday. Ironic, isn’t it?

How can the teachers, even the principal tell us that they’ve been trying to stop the stereotype that the English class is the dumb class when they are the ones feeding the stereotype themselves? If they don’t treat us like dumbasses and slackers, maybe the other students wouldn’t have kept on with the stereotype. Talk about hypocritical.

The boys in the class half put up with being sent to the office and all this madness for a week now, but today, when we got this speech, and someone actually got suspended, they have had enough. They decided to start a petition against discrimination and sexism.

They are starting a riot in the office, saying that if you suspend one of them from school, you suspend all of them.

I’d like to see the stupid VP try and suspend everyone.

Ending on a happier note, good luck on your piano concert tomorrow Elise!

Getting sent to the office....for complimenting people

The most absurd thing happened today. Wait, I take that back. Absurdity is not uncommon in the English class. In fact, it’s so frequent it’s almost daily. But whatever happened before, this has got to be one of the stupidest and most unjust.

It all started with Dena. A couple weeks ago, she was complaining non stop to me about how the guys in our class never pay any attention to her, they always compliment Sierra, Diana and Ashley instead. She then went up and told all the guys, and bad timing, I happened to be standing right beside her when she whined to the boys about being ignored. From that day on, the guys complimented everyone, and I mean everyone, especially Dena and I daily.

I was walking down the hallway today with some other girls, and Jose commented on how nice we looked, courtesy of Dena. The social teacher walked right up to us after Jose was out of earshot and demanded to know what he said to us. At the time, I wasn’t really paying attention on what Jose was saying so I had no idea until someone told me later. We all told him we weren’t listening, and we didn’t hear it. I don’t know why everyone lied.

Later that afternoon, I got called down to the office. In the office along with me, were all the other girls Jose had complimented. Except for Clarissa, she was not there because she had been complimented. She was there because of something Sean said (I was surprised he had the brains to think up of such an insult. I’ve got to say, I’m impressed.)

The vice principal told us that a teacher reported that Jose had been telling us how nice we looked when we were walking down the hallway, and she hopes we know that he’s being sarcastic. (I think it’s more out of pity than sarcasm, because of Dena’s whining. Jose sounded so sincere, but then again, he always sounds sincere. Last year, when we were playing tennis baseball, and I sucked at pitching--sucked would be understatement---I couldn’t pitch a tennis ball straight to save my life. He told me I was the best tennis baseball pitcher he’d ever seen, and he sounded so sincere. I asked him if he was being sarcastic, and he told me he’s never sarcastic. But then again, we were best friends last year. Things changed.) The vice principal then started this speech about how this is harassment and as a female, she will not tolerate this. She then called in Jose to apologize to all of us (My god, every single one of us was trying so hard not to burst out laughing during his apology). She was all like, “this is harassment! Harassment I say! If this ever happens, you are going to be suspended, understand?”

Jose: I understand.

VP: You are hanging on a thin thread. Apologize to the girls for your inexcusable behavior!

Jose: I’m really sorry.

VP: I called your parents, and they are very embarrassed of you. You should be embarrassed of yourself!

Jose: I am. I am embarrassed of myself.

Embarrassed for what? For complimenting us? That’s harsh. And it all goes back to the stupid social teacher to rant out on Jose. I don’t even know what their problem is! Jose has nothing to apologize for.

The social teacher sends people to the office fro saying Jesus Christ, and now he’s sending them for complimenting people. I’m just going to stay absolutely silent in front of him from now on. God forbid my parents get a phone call telling them their child is suspended because she said good morning to someone.

Birthday bash!

My dad’s birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, and this year instead of buying him some present that he will put away in the closet for eternity (like fishing rods), I thought why not cook him dinner instead? It will be a nice change, and a lot of thought actually went into this idea so I’m sure he will like it much more than a stupid fishing rod. It feels like it’s more “coming from the heart” that kind of present, you know?

Kaya asked me what I will be cooking, and I told her that I will be making a nice salad, and some instant spaghetti, and garlic bread. The expensive kind from Wal-Mart. She had this expression on her face like she wanted to tell me something, but wasn’t quite sure how to phrase it. Kaya then said tentatively, “I think he will like the fishing rod.”

Nope, I bet he will like my idea of cooking dinner much better. I plan to make dessert too; this is a recent addition to the menu. So what if I burnt a couple of cookies from the premade cookie dough I got from the grocery store? I will get better with practice. Beside, when I suggested my brilliant idea to my dad, he told me he will eat anything I make. Ok, well, he didn’t exactly say that at first.

When I announce the good news that I was making dinner on my dad’s birthday, my mom asked what I will be cooking. I repeated the menu I listed to Kaya, and she burst out laughing uncontrollably. And she didn’t stop. I was naturally confused, as I’m sure; all of you are, so I asked what was so funny. I fail to see any humor in my amazing news. She was laughing to hard to respond for a while. Finally, she told me that she just remembered a joke she heard the day before. Oh. Ok. My dad had the same look on his face as Kaya when I told him the news, and he was like, “eh....um....er...I was thinking maybe we could go out for dinner?” I told him what a silly idea, there’s no need since I’m making it and I think he’ll be very impressed with the result. I can even squeeze some fresh lemonade to go with the spaghetti. (Everyone just overlook the fact that it’s instant. Spaghetti is too complicated to make.) At my suggestion, my mom laughed even harder until she was almost hysterical. I don’t know what joke is that funny. I asked my parents if they have any friends they want to invite over for dinner on that day, since it’s the first time I’ve ever cooked for anyone.

Mom (still hysterical): I don’t have any friends.

Dad: um....um....they’re probably all busy.

That’s fine by me. We’ll just have a nice, family dinner. I’m sure they will love it!

The dumb blonde theory

I was telling Joey a blonde joke, and he starts complaining about why blondes are the ones being stereotyped as dumb, and not people with other hair colours. I told him that everyone probably got this information based on statistics. They most likely gathered data on which group of people, based on hair colour, are the stupidest, and blondes won the stupid contest. But Joey refused to listen to logic and rants about how it’s probably some guy in the 1800s that came with this idea and now blondes are being stereotyped.

Kaya told him that it was not some guy in the 1800s, it was Joey himself who came up with the idea that blondes are stupid and at the time, he thought it was really clever, but afterwards, he realize he’s blonde himself and now he’s being made fun of my me everyday. Hahaha, I love her reasoning.

Well, most probable, the dumb blonde theory is based statistics. Sean, if you have read all my older blog posts, is extremely idiotic. No further evidence needed. And he’s a blonde.

Dena is a natural blonde, but she dyed her hair black last year when she was going through her emo phase. One day, I was sitting in class, thinking about my English essay, and I absentmindedly closed my pencil case then tried to put my pencil in. Dena came by and laughed, and said, “Having a blonde moment?” How can you say that when you’re a blonde yourself? I guess only blondes can. Ah, Dena, a true blonde at heart.

Joey is stupid beyond belief, yet he still thinks he’s the smartest person alive. Now, I’m not saying that he’s not good at anything. He’s generally good at sports. He’s good at some things, just not many things. Anyways, he was laughing at some kid we saw at the play A Christmas Carol because the kid was all like, “I don’t know if you guys have this, but my school has something called D2L.” Every single school in our city has D2L (a website where you can upload your work for teachers.) I have to admit, it is pretty funny, but what Joey tells me is even funnier. He doesn’t know how to upload homework into D2L. That is the whole entire point of the website, so you can upload your homework or hand it in. How did he get through grade 7 and 8 without knowing how? Because Kaya is so nice, she agreed to show him how to in the school library. And it just gets funnier. It turns out Joey doesn’t know how to turn on a computer. He pressed the power button on the monitor, and when nothing happened, he pressed it again, turning it off when he just turned it on. Seeing that the monitor wasn’t responding to his continuous pressing, Joey was confused and kept on pressing. He did not think to turn on the main processor. Nope, that’s just how smart he is. (I am going to turn on the processor, Kaya, you did it before me!) I finally had enough of his pressing rampage and turned on his desktop for him.

It gets better. Joey doesn’t know how to use a calculator as well. He has this huge scientific one and he doesn’t know how to use it. He doesn’t know where the exponent button is, so instead, he just multiplies everything repeatedly. After I told him where it is, he said that he is so much faster at doing math homework now. He doesn’t know where negative and positive buttons are either, or anything else for that matter. And he proudly admits that to me. Then he said, “at least I know how to punch in numbers in the calculator.” I told him I was very impressive in my most sarcastic voice, but I guess my sarcasm is wasted on him because he told me he was really impressed with himself too.

Need I state more examples of dumb blondes? I now have proved that this stereotype is true. I’m not saying that all blondes are like Joey, some blond people are really smart, just not Joey. This is kind of like the “a square is a rectangle, but a rectangle is not a square” thing. Stereotypes are not untrue, rather, they are incomplete.

Standing in a hurricane.....like a boss

A hurricane hit the city on Sunday, and the force of the wind was so strong that the police closed off the downtown area in the city. That’s as extreme as it’s ever going to get around here. Apparently the wind was blowing 70km/h, and glass of the skyscrapers in downtown shattered because of the sheer force.

Hannah and I were going to downtown for lunch (because my dad said it was a nice day out....), and we saw crime scene tapes all around the downtown area. I guess the police ran out of other tapes. We were confused about what was going on since at that time, the wind wasn’t that strong yet. After we fond out that there was a hurricane, and we were right in the middle of it, we were naturally, a little freaked after hearing the news, and also a little awed. How often do you find yourself standing in the middle of the hurricane?

The gusts of wind came at such ferocity steel poles were getting blown over, but we still managed to stand upright. That was pretty impressive. What’s even more impressive is that our hair was perfectly fine after enduring the force of 70km/h of wind. It’s a miracle. Yeah, that’s how cool we are.

I even wrote a little song summarizing our amazing day.

I woke up in the morning

Like a boss

And called Hannah

Like a boss

We decided to hang out

Like a boss

And go out for lunch

Like a boss

We walk into the street

Like a boss

And wait for the bus

Like a boss

The bus didn’t come, so we walked away

Like a boss

Downtown was closed, and we were confused

Like a boss

We called our parents

Like a boss

And they told us we are standing in a hurricane

Like a boss

We got blown away

Like a boss

Up into the sky, and we were floating on the clouds

Like a boss

Then we came back down

Like a boss

And we went into Pizza Hut

Like a boss

We laughed at the people outside in the street

Like a boss

Then we ate pizza

Like a boss

Our hair was still perfect!

Like a boss

Yeah! I’m the boss!

Well, Hannah and I are the boss

Bosses

La classe de Francais

Kaya and I used to think the French teacher was cool, but he turned out to be just.....disappointing. Everyone’s disappointing these days. He did an unthinkable act; he gave Kaya and Joey the same mark on their report cards! How could he! Everyone knows that Joey is the person who was the worse in French that attended the French class. He is, he still is. He needs to borrow my English textbook so he can understand what the textbook is saying. The teachers force him to get extra help in French because he needs it greatly. Honestly, I don’t know why he’s in the French class. Kaya is way better at French than him, ok, even I’m better at French than him, and that’s saying a lot since I’m in English. I don’t know where the mark came from, but there has to be a mistake.

The second unthinkable thing he did: he gave Adrian a higher mark in French than me. Mon dieu! Is he for real? There is no way that Adrian is better at French than me. And he sure as hell doesn’t try harder than me! I cannot believe he likes Adrian more! Thanks to him, I had to see my dad’s stupid smirk when he saw that I only got a mark in the 80’s.

The only thing that makes French class better is Sean. He is so brainless, it makes my day. We had a quiz, and one of the questions was to list five objects in the class. I don’t know where he comes up with his vocabularies, but one thing is for sure, he can’t spell, not even in English. He put, un clocka, obviously, that’s suppose to a clock, and un telefona (see, he can’t spell in English either. I think his logic was to put a after everything word so it would sound French. But that is not how you spell telephone in English either.) He then put, un papel, for paper. I don’t know where that one came from. The surprising thing is, he got all the masculinity or femininity of the objects correct. That’s usually the hardest part. I have to admit, he has talent.

Since I was marking his test, he was marking mine. The teacher asked him to read one of the objects I put down, and he was like, “um, um, eh.....un puppy-tree?” It was un pupitre, a desk. How he tried to sound that one out, I don’t even know.

A normal day in the English class

Friday was pretty much a normal day in the English class. Sean declared his hate for Ashley, for the hundredth time (I don’t know what happened between these two). I asked him if he was serious since I never know if he’s being serious or not, and after staring at me for twenty seconds, he told me in a grave voice he’s always serious and that I was his best friend. Ok, then.

Sierra came up to me and told me I looked really pretty, and I, having known her for a year, knew what she wanted before she even walked up to me. So being the good, loving person that I am, I told her she looked really pretty too and that I loved her jeans. She said “haha” and walked away. Not many people can interpret what that means, but having known her for so long, I know that she knows I’m just saying it and I don’t mean it but at the same time she’s really happy and believes what I said deep down because she is a narcissist like Joey.

Adrian still doesn’t exist in my life.....

We are working on the yearbook project in class and I was tired of drawing the cover, so I asked Remington, who was in my group, if he was interested in doing it. He was very interested and he told me he was a pretty good artist, if he do say so he himself. (That’s how he talks, like some character in a classic novel) After hearing that, I gave him my have drawn Pegasus (a flying horse in Greek mythology) and told him to finish it. As soon as he draws one leg, I realized I should have that I can’t trust his own opinion of his artistic abilities. He draws each line way too dark, making it impossible to erase if something goes wrong. Joshua came by and told him it was terrible, and to do something else before he ruins my Pegasus. Remington was, needless to say, greatly offended, so I told him he was great and ripped off a piece of paper from my sketchbook and asked him to start his own picture. He drew the front cover, a picture of a goddess holding a falcon, and the back cover, Pegasus. I asked Kaya which picture was better (I had to use at least one picture from him so his feelings wouldn’t be hurt, again.) Kaya thought the goddess was suppose to be an ad for obesity and she had no idea what Pegasus was until I told her. She thought Pegasus was had a hand coming out of his head (it was his wings, jeez!) Joey was worse; he was looking at the flying horse with his best WTF expression, and was like, “which way should I be holding this?” I held it up the right way and told him it was a picture of Pegasus, but he was still like, “what? How is this anything like a horse?” I had to show him my drawing before he could see the head of the horse and the wings. I think I go with the picture of the goddess. An ad for obesity is better than the whole school asking which way they should be holding the yearbook. I don’t think anyone is going to vote for our cover.

When I was taking it home, I had to hold it in my hands because my backpack was overloaded. Each time I set it down to get something from my backpack, it would get blown away by the wind and Kaya and I would have to run after it. We make so much effort to protect Remington’s incomprehensible  drawings.

Kaya and I were bored while waiting for the bus so we made up a list of people we thought that would be cute together. First, Dena and Charlie, the Gaymo. With Charlie being the gay, and Dena, of course, being the emo. Then we have Sierra and Joey, the Crewimpy. Sierra would be the creep with her creepy, enthusiastic smile that never fades, and Joey is obviously the wimp. There are only two words to describe him; wimpy and lame. The only two adjectives that fits him. Chelsea and Joey would also be a good couple. Chelsea had been one of his fan girls since, forever. One day, she got to sit next to Joey during an assembly and she was blushing the entire time. For the rest of the day, she was overjoyed and floating up on a little cloud. Isn’t that the cutest thing? They would be the Bawimpy, since Chelsea talks like a baby and Joey is wimpy. Lastly, Sandra and Joey. I don’t even where we came up with that idea, but basically, Sandra is really obese and Joey is extremely tiny (like anyone can beat him up in thirty seconds tiny). They don’t even talk to each other as far as I know, but if they ever get together, they would make the perfect Fawimpy. With Joey being the wimp. (I never get tired of saying this.)

When I went home and asked my dad if he liked Remington’s goddess or Pegasus better, he held up Pegasus and turned the paper and asked me, “Which way should I be holding this?” I told him it was a flying horse, and he gave me the same WTF expression as Joey and asked me where the horse’s head is. His opinion doesn’t count since he told me my Pegasus looked like a flying moose. At least Joey liked my “pony”.

Absurdity

The parachute incident

Simon is part of the parachute club. Every month, he would go to a parachuting practice with the people in his club. This weekend, they are dropping three thousand feet from their plane. Some tend to float away a little from where they are suppose to land, maybe a couple kilometers away from the agreed landing spot, so the captain told everyone to bring cell phones so everyone can contact each other after they land, and also some money to take a cab to their meeting place. Like always, Simon floated a couple miles from the agreed landing spot (he’s not the best parachuter), and he was unsure where to land after about ten minutes of floating because all around him was forestry. Finally he saw a farm house and he thought it would be a good place to land since of course, there would be open space at a farm. He started to descend. Simon doesn’t know how to control where he lands, and just his luck, he lands on a chicken. Simon’s parachute was half stuck on a tree but his body hit the ground and stepped on the chicken and seriously injured it. The farmer came out of the house thinking that Simon is a cat burglar and starts to call the police. After some explanations, Simon finally convince him that he meant no harm, but the farmer still refused to detach Simon’s parachute from the tree until he paid for the chicken.

Confession complain confusion

Maria had a huge crush on this guy in her class, and all she thought and talked about was him. Unfortunately for me, I was the one who had to listen to her. He was Maria’s whole life. Finally one day, I could not stand listening about him for one more minute, I persuaded Maria to write a letter to him. Or more specifically, a love letter confessing her love for him. It was a great idea because if he didn’t feel the same way, she wouldn’t have to go through the awkwardness of standing in front of him waiting for him to respond after she confessed her dying love. It was genius, of course. Maria gathered up her courage and composed a beautiful love letter (in fancy scented paper) ready to mail to her crush. She went to the mailbox after school, and it was really stupid, but the transit decided to put their city transit complain box right next to the mailbox. Guess which one Maria put her letter in? The city transit complain box.

Pee in a bag

I was walking down the street and this lady stopped me to introduce a product their company had recently started advertising. The product was called Pee in a Bag. I’m serious, that’s what it was called. When you are travelling long distance, and you can’t find a bathroom, that’s when you use the pee in a bag. You pee in the bag because there’s nowhere else to pee. The product is for people of all gender, and people of all ages. There’s even a solidification device in the bag to freeze your pee so you can put in your purse/backpack and throw it out later in case you can’t find a garbage can at that moment. (So you put your frozen pee in your purse/backpack with your bag of chips/homework?) I was confused because there were so many things wrong with this product. First of all, if you’re travelling, let’s say on a bus, where do you turn to use your pee in a bag? The lady told me that you could just turn around. Where the heck do you turn? There are people all around you. She said for me to turn towards the window. No one sits there. I was like, “what if you don’t sit by the window?” And she said, “Just ask the person who sits by the window if you could trade seats for a few minutes.” So you go up to a random stranger on the bus who sits by the window and say, “excuse me, would you mind trading seats for a few minutes? I need to pee in my bag.” Also, if someone happens to be walking down the isle on the bus, they would be like WTF?? Or worse, some innocent person walking by on the street and they happen to see in the window, on the bus, some retard is peeing in a bag. The lady told me that each bag costs fifteen dollars, and ask if I was interested to buy a box. (A bottle of water of water costs a dollar and fifty cents and I’m buying a fifteen dollar bag to pee after drinking? Seriously, the things people sell these days.)

My hypothesis was correct!

Hypothesis 1: Life is much better without Adrian!

And of course, I was right. He was absent from school on Thursday and Friday, and life was so much better. I didn’t have to listen to his stories about the FTP’s gang meetings at McDonald’s the day before in homeroom. I didn’t have to listen to him beg for my homework in math class (Pfft, like I ever do my homework. If I don’t finish in class, I copy from someone else.) I didn’t have to listen to him fart, or talk about farting. I didn’t have to be careful to avoid looking at him in case I be reminded of his nasty little habit. Life was so much better without Charlie in my life. From now on, he doesn’t exist in my life. (No, I don’t see him everyday. He’s not there.)

Hypothesis: Joey has no life.

I was talking to Joey during lunch about the science test, and he was eating apple slices while talking to me.

I was talking to Joey after school about the science test, and he was eating apple slices, again.

I asked him, “is what you do all day just eat apple slices?”

He replied, “No, I eat other things too.”

I said, “like Fruit to Go’s?”

He’s like, “Yeah.”

“So basically, all you do your whole life is eat apples and Fruit to Go’s?” I inquired.

Joey protested, “No, I do other things too!”

I asked, “like what?’

Joey, “I go to school.”

Summary of Joey’s life:

Joey wakes up in the morning and eats apples slices. He goes to school. It’s lunchtime at school; he eats apple slices and a Fruit to Go. He attends afternoon classes. School’s over; Joey takes out apple slices and begins to eat. He then goes home. Joey gets home and eat Fruit to Go’s. He go to sleep.

The next day.....repeat.

The awkwardness continues....

That akward moment when.....your teacher underlines and circles your sentences writes awks all over your essay. I was proud of that essay.

That awkward moment when......you walk in someone’s room and find that they have a tampon stuck to the ceiling. That is really taking messiness to a new degree.

That awkward moment when...... I walk into the bathroom five seconds after I just walked out because I forgot to say hi to Dena when she came in and I was afraid she was going to get upset.

That awkward moment when......after I said hi to Dena in the bathroom she told me that she was so offended that the guys always compliment Diana, Sierra and Ashley and they never compliment her, and that they don’t pay attention to her, then she walked away all depressed.

That awkward moment when....someone got sent to the office for saying Jesus Christ in social class. No, just kidding, it’s not awkward, it’s hilarious.

That awkward moment when......I found out that Joey is taller than me when my favourite pastime centers around making fu of his height. Taller than me! Apparently he’s taller by like, 0.2cm, but I think everyone doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Pfft, he’s not taller, even if everyone says that. (I need some time to accept this reality.) Fine, if I can’t make fun of his height, I’ll make fun on him for being blonde, for being wimpy, for being made up of a block of ego....the list goes on and on.

Hmm, I feel better now.

Awks......

That awkward moment when.... Dena’s aunt is driving me home, I give her my address, and Dena tells me in a very depressed voice that it’s the way to Tyler, her ex’s house.....then she says “Awks..” even though no one find it awkward.

That awkward moment when....you go to the mall on Saturday night, and half the school happened to be there. And you feel obligated to hang out with these people, so you all hang out at the Apple store.

That awkward moment when ....you find out that this guy in class have been telling everyone that you text him 24/7.

That awkward moment when.... your mom walks in on you singing along to a Justin Bieber song. (It was on the radio, I couldn’t resist.)

That awkward moment when ....I’ve been making fun of Joey’s height all my life, and one day I found out he’s just as tall as me.

That awkward moment when...... I lost my nail polish and I still have one more nail to paint. (Don’t worry Hannah, I didn’t lose yours.)

That awkward moment when..... I find out that Jace was bragging about not having a conversation with me in class.

That awkward moment when ...you are doing stupid imitations of the Transit Peace Officer and he happens to be right behind you.

That awkward moment when ....I forgot to do my science homework and I have to beg Adrian to let me copy his.

That awkward moment when....Dena tells you that her boyfriend dumped her over text and she’s dead inside. Am I suppose to reply to that?

That awkward moment when ....Sierra shows you all her self photos and asks you if she can be a model.

That awkward moment when....you are talking to the wall to show your anger and frustration towards your parents for not listening to you, and they totally ignore your effort and start a conversation amongst themselves.

That awkward moment when..... you are dissing your mom’s cooking, you eat it and it actually turns out to be pretty good, but you can’t take another bite after you just made a huge show of dissing it.

That awkward moment when.....Jose tells me my hair looks like a mushroom after Kaya swore to me that it doesn’t! Thanks a lot, Kaya!

That awkward moment when....you tell Dena that she and Adrian would make a good couple and she says, “No! We would not!” She then blushes, and giggles, and say, “Besides, I couldn’t possibly date him after I dated his friend!”

That awkward moment when.....you have no idea what someone is talking about, and you nod and agree, and they look at you like you’re going insane.

That awkward moment when....the boy you sort of have a crush on tells you that you didn’t exist in his life.

That awkward moment when....you’re posting all your awkward moments on the internet for everyone to see.

That awkward moment when.....you realize that half the things on the list aren’t even awkward.

On the verge of a breakdown

If I stay in my school any longer, I swear, I’m going to have a breakdown, like Dena. I’m going to stand in the middle of the hallway, just like Dena, and melt into the floor. Ok, that’s not what she did exactly, but close enough.

First of all, Adrian is all hateful and bitter and takes any chance to mention what a hateful person I am. I am not. But I guess he’s not going to get over the “I never liked you” thing, just like the gay things last year.

I sit next to Adrian in math, and it is utter hell. This is what his conversation with his best friend, Jack, sounds like.

Adrian: Jaaaaack!

Jack: Whaaaat?

Adrian: I really need to fart!

Jack: I know! Me too, but I’m holding it in.

Well, Adrian apparently makes no such effort. He was farting the whole entire math class today. The whole entire class. And he blames it on Jon (what has Jon ever done to him?). It was terrible. I can’t look at Adrian now without remembering his awkward habit, and now he has to fart for 45 minutes right next to me. Oh, my god. Any normal person would break down.

It annoys me so much when someone gives you something, then they steals it back. What the heck is the point of that? Jose gave me this pen, and then he stole it back. I was like, “do you just want to keep it?”

Jose said, “no, I gave it to you. It’s for our friendship.” So I kept it. Then he stole it back, again.

Jose and Adrian are not the only people contributing to my break down. I now vow to never sit on the gym floor because of Joey. This is what he does; he spits on the gym floor and wipes his shoes on it. Ew! Gross! To think, I was sitting on Joey’s spit for a whole year last year! Ew! Gross! I was putting my hands on the floor for push-up testing, and the whole floor is covered in his spit! Ugh! Now I have to go and take a shower, just thinking of that makes me feel icky.

Why would someone do that? Why? Don’t they have any consideration for all the other people who sits on the gym floor? That’s practically the entire school. I guess not, Joey sees no one else but himself.

I was going to memorize the spots he spit on today, and remember not to sit there (I thought it was a new habit). But then he told me, rather proudly, “I’ve been here for three years and I’ve been spitting on it for three years, so it’s pretty much the entire gym.”

Gross, gross, I’ve already got Adrian stuffing his hands down his pants and farting non-stop, now I’ve got Joey spitting everywhere. My school’s just awesome.

WTF Adrian?

Last week, Dena was getting ready to rip my head off. She was really pissed off that I didn’t care about her or her boyfriend. (Lol, why the hell would I care about her boyfriend?) She was also angry that I didn’t text her or hang out with her anymore, and she was making a big deal about ending our friendship, in front of the whole class.

Today, she did a complete 180 and acted like I was her best friend again. She even asked me to join her and her mom in Panorama for one week. Just when I made peace with her, I declared my hate for Adrian on the same day.

Why does this always happen? First Jose hates me, then we made up and Dena started hating me. Now Adrian. There always seem to be a new addition to the hate list.

Adrian and I were perfectly fine this year until now. I tried so hard to be nice to him, then I finally got fed up with him copying my homework, and I told him he couldn’t anymore. We then had sort of an argument; I can’t really remember what was said. He told me he didn’t like me anymore. And I told him I never liked him. He then said, “of course,” in this kind of sad voice. What the hell? I didn’t think he cared. He takes everything I say way too seriously. For example, last year, when I asked him if he was gay, I didn’t think he’d take it seriously. But then he brought up what I said 3 months later, all bitter. When we were in the dance unit, he refuses to dance with a guy because he thought it was gay even though the guys in our class greatly outnumbered the girls. He’d ask any girl to dance just so he wouldn’t have to dance with a guy. Any girl at all. Jeez, I didn’t think he’d take me that seriously.

So now I guess we’re officially back to hating each other.

I heard the funniest story about Adrian today. I can’t believe I didn’t hear it sooner; it should have been all over the school. I wasn’t sure when it happened, and I probably wasn’t at the school when it did, but anyways. Adrian has a habit of putting his hand in his pants (he still does). One day, some people were filming something in class for their project, and Adrian happened to be putting his hands in his pants. When he took his hand out, his thing came out too. And it was all caught on film. The principal happened to walked by right at that moment (I guess she didn’t see what Adrian was doing). She, the principal, asked how the group was doing on their project, and asked to see it, indicating the film.

Everyone was like, “um, um.....eh....it’s really blurry.” Lucky for Adrian, she didn’t press anymore. She told everyone to keep working and walked away.

If Adrian keeps this p at school, something really awkward is going to happen. I’d take his singing over his little habit any day. One second thought, I will just avoid looking at him from now on.

The perfect couple

Here’s to the couple of the year. Ok, the future couple....if they ever get together, that is. Everyone, I present you.....Sierra and Joey!

They are perfect for each other, just perfect. Sierra would creep Joey out with her smiley-ness, which is great since Joey creeps me out with his smiley-ness. When they go on a date, all they’ll do is smile at each other the whole time since Joey can’t have a proper conversation with anyone and Sierra can’t exactly talk to herself. I can just imagine them at the food court in the mall, smiling across the table from each other.

Sierra will have to pay for everything because Joey is too cheap to buy anything, or else they’ll just sit there without eating the whole time. Awks.....

Joey is basically a block of ego. He’s made up of 2% athletic-ness, 3% hockey obsession, 4% shoe obsession, and the rest is all ego. Sierra is just made up of....Sierra.

At the end of school, when Sierra yells after Joey in her squeaky voice, “Bye Joey! I’ll text you!” He’ll just walk away without saying anything then do his wave. You know the wave all the hot shot guys do in TV shows, that’s what Joey does. It looks so...wrong! He’s way too lame for that wave. But Sierra will melt and sigh happily and smile even more.

As for Joey, no one occupies his mind other than himself. He will smile too and obsesses over how cute he looks. So much smiling from the both of them, it’s great.

On my way to being a loner

Turns out I’m worse at this emo loner thing tan I thought. No one wanted to sit with me in Social class today, so I went and sat in a desk in the back corner all by myself. I felt kind of uncomfortable sitting all by myself since even Pete, the loner who refuses to talk to anyone in our class, is sitting with someone. I asked Sean to sit with me, that was how desperate I am. He came over and this other emo, seriously overweight girl, Sandra, who he was sitting with pouted and whined and asked Sean to go back to sit with her. Sean, being the loving church person that he is, told her to come and sit with us. I think I was better sitting by myself. So we’re all sitting together, Sean, Sandra and I. Sean doesn’t understand anything anyone says (I think he needs ESL, even though he speaks no other language other than English), and Sandra talks way too much in this annoying high  pitched voice. The there’s me, trying to be a loner and talking to the wall, but I’m nowhere near the wall.

Sean and Will were talking about Ashley, about Sean liking her or something, and my curiosity got better of so I started talking to Sean. I couldn’t remember the content of our conversation, but at the end of it, I got nothing out of him.

I used to be so cool last year; I don’t know what happened this year. That’s sort of like Pete. He was one of the popular, annoying people last year, but this year, he’s ignoring everyone. He only talks to the French kids now. Joey thinks Pete is a loser when he told Joey that he might go trick-or-treat by himself on Halloween. I didn’t have the heart to tell Joey that everyone’s saying what a retard Joey is behind his back. Even his so-called friend Adrian. Oh well, Joey will always have his fan girls.

And I will have myself and the wall. Maybe even my fellow emo comrade Sandra, if I could get over her high pitched voice and unnecessary enthusiasm. She may be enthusiastic, but she’s all about talking about how depressed she is. On second thought, I’ll just stick with myself and the wall.

Breaking apart from the world

It’s not am easy thing to do, and I’m proud of myself for my courageous act. I am tired of talking to everyone, texting everyone, and hanging out with all these people who’s purely made up of ego and self-esteem, who, therefore talks about no one but themselves, I have no choice but to break apart from the rest of the world and become a hobo (maybe not that extreme), or a loner and float on a own little island all by myself. I guess everyone if floating on their own little island, their ego fill up all the space in their world so they don’t have room for anyone else on their island, therefore they need to break up become separate islands. Even though they are separate islands, they are an archipelago, but I’m far away from their chain islands, out in the middle of the ocean with nothing but water around me. I am Denis, a remote little island off the east coast of Africa who no one has heard of.

I really need Kaya to spread the word around school that I am too cheap to text anyone and I refuse to go to the movies with her because I can’t afford to. I am so sick of the obligation to text all those whiny girls who I don’t even considered my friends every night and go to the movies with them every weekend. I don’t want to hang out, but no one gets it. Of course not, we’re all from the English class; no one can take a hint. If Kaya spreads the word that I won’t hang out because I don’t want to waste money though, I think maybe people will back off and stop asking me to go to the movies with them. I’ll just be like Pete, a loner, taking my sandwich with me at lunch to sit with myself and the wall. That’ll be fun.

I’m probably not getting over this emo phase anytime soon. Everything everyone says is just so uninteresting, and they all expect me to act like I care. I can do it for one or two people, but doing it for everyone everyday is just too tiring. Will was telling me about how Sierra had completely changed this year and all she cares about was herself. I used to love this kind of gossip, but now I’m just bored. It wasn’t unexpected. I’m not sure how their friendship works, but if he can complain to me, some random stranger about it, he must be complaining to pretty much everyone.

Everyone keeps telling me I act like I’m too cool to talk to them. I was confused when I heard that since I didn’t even realize I was acting that way. I get a mixture of people telling me I’m nice, and the other half says I act like I’m too cool for them. I asked for an example but they couldn’t provide one, and just told me it was my attitude. Oh. What did they want me to say to that? If I’m acting that way without realizing, then it probably means I am too cool for them. I rather be cool all by myself than sit next to these uncool people who’s always complaining about how I’m too cool for them. I’ll just take my lunch and go to the wall.

Stalker, the Ultimate Anecdote

Here's my anecdote Kaya, so you can tell me if you approve of it or not before I hand it in. Don't be offended, ok? According to Ari, everyone rather be a stalker than the person being stalked, so why don't you go stalk someone first? Which is exactly what you're doing Kaya, you're taking initiative.

Stalker, the Ultimate Anecdote (Or should I name it Stalker Stalking in Daylight?)

Adrian used to be in the same class as me when I was in grade 7, and sometimes Kaya and I would see him on the bus. Adrian has no idea who Kaya is, and Kaya doesn’t know him either, but when I told Kaya I knew Adrian, she suddenly got this idea that they are going to be best friends. One day, Kaya went up to Adrian when we were on the bus together and started talking to him. Personally, I think Adrian was a bit creeped out by that, and that is probably the reason why we never saw him again. He takes the later bus every morning just to avoid bumping into us. I wonder if Adrian spread the story about some crazy stranger named Kaya who attempted to talk to him on the bus around school because a peculiar thing happened today.

      I saw Mark, another person from my old school who Kaya doesn’t know, walking by when I was on the bus and I pointed it out to her. She suggested that we get off the bus (when there’s still fifteen blocks until we get to our houses) and walk back to Mark to say hi. I don’t know how I her talk me into this, but soon we were getting off the bus and walking towards the direction where I’d seen Mark.

      We were about ten feet away from Mark when he came into view, and I was pretty sure he saw us too. Here’s the strange thing: he sprinted back the way he came from as soon as he saw us -­­­­-- the opposite direction to his house.

      Kaya started chasing after him while beckoning for me hurry. I shook my head and let her run ahead. I am not running after him, that just takes too much effort.

      Mark ducked into an alley, and Kaya hurried after him, trying to catch up. I picked up my pace; not wanting to miss what was going on. Mark ran furiously down the alley, with Kaya chasing a block behind him. He looked back at Kaya and ran harder. She finally gave up after a few more steps and started walking back towards me. Mark relaxed when he saw Kaya going the other way and started walking normally again.

      I watched him go, amused. What was that? I would expect that reaction from Adrian, but not Mark, who has never seen Kaya in his life. I think Adrian did spread the story, and Kaya not only consternated Adrian, but everyone else from my old school as well. She’s probably destroyed any future relationship she’s going to have with all those people. I wonder what will happen next year when Kaya and everyone from my old school all attend the same high school together.

A summary of my day

I baked cookies today! Yay! Ok, fine, all I contributed to the baking was cracking an egg, and Kaya did the rest. But I still helped, and my mom loved it! So that’s an accomplishment. Well, for me it is. Kaya got fed up with my baking skills she told me to help by holding the mixer. Whatever, I still cracked an egg, which counts as baking for me. My dad refuse to even try it when I told him that I helped made it, now that’s offensive.

Backtracking to the beginning of the day.....Sean learned a new word. “Shut up.” Whenever anyone says anything to him, he’s like, “shut up.” I’m not sure which is worse, him having to think 10 seconds about his response then replies, “what?” or him saying shut up to everything. When Ashley responds to Sean’s “shut up!” by saying, “why don’t you?” He stayed quiet, staring at her as if trying to comprehend, then 10 seconds later, “Huh?” I think one of these days; everyone is going to give up talking to him.

What’s next? Oh, apparently I’m not the only person who thinks Joey’s lame. Pete’s all like, “Do you just eat sandwiches and drink juices boxes all your life?” Joey remained quiet, as always. He can’t think of a good comeback, and he can’t really deny that because when I think about it, it is what he does his whole life. All I’ve seen him do is drink juice boxes and eat sandwiches every waking moment of the day. It’s all he ever does; it’s his life.

We are watching a movie in science called GATTACA. It’s a decent movie but the quality is so bad I can’t see a single thing that’s going on. The screen is way too faded, so have the time; I get confused on what’s happening in the movie when I can actually see something. We had to do notes on the movie and answer questions and I had no choice but to copy Jubal’s. I think the whole class copied off of him. Well, me and some other person copied his work, and then someone else copies ours and so on. It’s chain reaction. In the end, when we hand in the, the whole class is going to hand in the exact same thing.

Hey, at least I’m smart enough to change a few words and flip sentences around, unlike some dumbass with their graphs.

Jubal’s writing is ineligible. I took an hour trying to decipher five answers to the questions, and I got such a headache after that I’m beginning to think that it’s just easier to watch the movie at home and do the work by myself.

Or I could just hand in all my answers in French and the teacher ask about that. I’ll just say that I want to go over and beyond so I translated all my work to French when in truth, I couldn’t find anyone to copy from in the English class and I had to copy from someone in the French class.